


pt2: the one where kakashi's friends willingly get pimped out

by aobears



Series: Deep Breaths [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Non-Massacre, Crack, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, I really tried, Photoshoots, i couldnt stop it if i tried, itachi got way too playful way too fast, non-massacre, this is most definitely crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 09:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12385521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aobears/pseuds/aobears
Summary: seq. to the one where kakashi pimps out his friendsA new artist redesigned the covers for All the Icha-Icha books, and they’re expensive.It’s also Kakashi’s birthday soon so really, as if they had a choice.





	pt2: the one where kakashi's friends willingly get pimped out

**Author's Note:**

> you have TARDISthroughthefandoms to thank for this crackfest. goddamnit
> 
> to be fair, this is my first attempt at a solid itachi other than the drafts of rather somber conversations between him and sakura for alih,  
> he is crack, but input on him would be greatly appreciated  
> WRITTEN IN RECORD TIME FOLKS, 1.5 HOURS INCLUDING 2 AM BRAINSTORMING SESH ON THE CALENDAR PAGES AYOO

     Sakura should’ve known Kakashi wanted to ask her something when he started bringing coffee to her her office in the morning. Two cups, one strong and bitter enough to strip paint, hers, and one weaker, with more milk and sugar and various concoctions of syrup and cream, Itachi’s.

     She knows it’s Kakashi because no one but Itachi and she occupy the office in the early hours of 4am to 6, at which Sakura leaves for morning rounds and Itachi for his own duties. Plus, no one knows his coffee order other than the nice boy down at the coffeeshop on the other side of town the frequent to make sure hoards of people don’t ruin it.

     They corner him setting down the cups onto her desk next to the twin stacks of paperwork they would get through in the mornings. Kakashi is sheepish and twitchy when Sakura slams open the door with a scowl on her face. Itachi breezes through the door, around her outstretched arm, flicks on the lights, and grabs his own venti-frappu-mocha-sweetasfUCK drink that doesn’t even count as coffee and sits down on his chair to watch the confrontation.

     Sakura raises an eyebrow. “If this involves me staring dead into a camera in a transparent nightgown under the full moon as Itachi flounces around me in shimmery robes again, you can fuck off,”

     Itachi stands and hands tired, agitated Sakura, sick of fretting over what she’d do for Kakashi next, her cup of paint stripper. He sits back down and resumes sipping on his own coffee (PFFFF). Kakashi lets out a soft, awkward giggle.

     She brings the cup to her lips and only when she gulps down a sizable amount of her paint stripper does Itachi object.

     “I did not flounce, I glided,”

     “In that case I wasn’t staring into a camera naked in the middle of the woods,” She shoots back, sending Itachi a glare.

     “I glided, if you had just followed my lead you would’ve been able to look more ethereal, like me,” Itachi gives a teasing smirk, and Sakura can feel the hairs on her nape raise. Before she can start screeching he says again. “Drink some more coffee love, you’ll feel better,”

     Sakura for once, takes his advice and downs another fourth of her coffee.

     “Elven Spirit in Ethereal Wood did wonderfully at the exhibition last time, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi nods sagely. 

     “We got a good percentage on that one, remember? We bought the new bed with that,”

     “Whose side are you on!” Sakura screeches, but immediately lowers her voice when she remembers that they’re in a hospital at 4 in the morning.

     “The side that gets us new furniture,”

     “You didn’t have to wear plastic elf ears,”

     “I’m not saying I did more work. If we split the bed by the amount of work we did you get more space, and you do,”

     “Itachi, I will strangle you,” Sakura is off her game today, goddamn it. He only hums in response and takes another sip.

     "Just 10 photographs, Sakura-chan?"

     “Kakashi,”

     “It’s almost September, Sakura-chan!”

     She curses her propensity to care.

     “No fantasy themes,”

     “Done,”

     “No costumes,”

     “Sakura--,”

     “Kakashi!” She mocks his whiny tone.

     “Costumes but not skimpy ones?” Kakashi asks hopefully.

     Sakura curses again and downs the rest of her coffee. “Fine!” 

* * *

 

     They’re in an alleyway behind the hospital, The sun is yet to rise but the sky is bright enough for the street lights to turn off. Itachi is in his regular gear and Sakura in her doctors coat. Kakashi is hidden behind a trashcan,  _ It’s the daring angles that bring the money, Sakura-chan! They don’t want staged positions, they want danger, intrigue, hidden blinding love that leads to passionate lust and se--- I get it! I get it! I get it Kakashi-sensei! _ In the middle of the shoot, Sakura takes a second to raise her lips to Itachi's ear as Kakashi's camera shutters close in rapid succession.

     She knows Itachi smiles as she says.

     "I’ll strangle you for real this time. He's making a calendar isn't he?"

     His own lips make their way to her ear as he replies.

     "100%"   


* * *

     They're in Sakura's apartment, which Kakashi has managed to decorate into the festive holiday spirit despite the fact that it’s the middle of August. Sakura's been forced into her home clothes and winter socks and wonders how the hell Kakashi found a Christmas Tree in August, or found the time to decorate since the time they left the house at 4am.

     He's situated them on the couch with Sakura cradling Itachi's head as they both pretend to read. Kakashi is outside taking pictures through the window.

     "I can tell him to stop," Itachi says, watching Sakura's fingers twitch. Her winter home clothes are for cold weather. It's August. Her apartment's heating and cooling system is shit.

     Sakura sighs and smooths a crease on Itachi's shirt.

     "No, his birthday's in a month."

     "You could always just get him tickets,"

     "I did, but Jiraya-san signed off on a new cover artist who re-designed all of the covers of the Icha-Icha books. Kakashi wants a set. The art is pretty nice I have to admit."

     Itachi is silent for a moment and Sakura moves her hand to mock strangle him, making sure it’s out of the way of the camera on her back. Another stipulation, she would not be looking at the camera. 

     "All of the books?"

     "Unfortunately," Sakura confirms.

     "Those will be expensive." Itachi makes fake choking faces as her hand squeezes lightly against his trachea.  

     "Way more expensive than the tickets." Sakura moves her hand back up to run through his hair as if placating him in his final moments.

     "We have enough,"

     "You’re dead now, I’ve choked you to death. He wants to buy them on his own. Doesn't trust anyone else going and choosing the exact book he wants,"

     "What a shame, I was hoping to live for another day or two. Not even you?"

     "I'll step in to buy one book for him but I'm sure as hell not going in and ordering 100+ piece franchise,"

     Sakura feels Itachi's chest rumble in quiet laughter, and grins. He raises himself up.

     "Well if it's our gift to him, and I’ve been strangled to death and you need funeral money, I'm sure I won't mind helping him procure funds." He says, and slots their lips together.

* * *

 

     Sakura knows the calendar is up for sale on the Konoha Black Market when the swoons of follows she and Itachi have walking to the market increase twelve-fold, and they spot Kakashi whisper-haggling with the fruit vendor ladies. He has a bright red duffel bag over his shoulder, and a giant wallet in his hands. The group of women is gesturing to the duffel bag and obviously requesting a decrease in price. Kakashi is waving his hands and his wallet and whisper yelling that the lady is crazy. More people are starting to come over.

     "You think you can snag a calendar for me? I want to see what what I strangled you for," Sakura asks looking up towards Itachi. He raises an eyebrow, but after bumping their hands together vanishes.

     Sakura makes her way to their tea house. Before she has a chance to say hello to Mr. Tanaka, Itachi appears next to her with a black plastic bag in his hands. They're taken to their table and only when they've been given their tea and dango does Sakura steal the plastic bag from Itachi.

     "How much did it cost?"

     "Guess."

     "1,500 ryo,"

     "No,"

     "Of course, Kakashi wouldn’t be that reasonable. 2,500," 

     "No,"

     "5,000?!"

     "10,000,"

     "No way!!" Sakura says and peels away the plastic to the calendar. The cover is plain cream, no other distinctive markings except for the gold lettering marking next year. 

     "The books are expensive. Plus, it's the first official public merchandise of us, not Kakashi’s photographs in his art shows." Itachi says, leaning closer while moving the excess plastic out of the way.

     “Itachi, we’re being pimped out,” Sakura groans and opens to the first page on the calendar. Itachi leans in to place his chin on her shoulder. There’s a few moments of silence as he waits for Sakura’s approval.

     "Huh, these didn't turn out half bad,"

     January has them walking away down an empty street in the early morning with their hands clasped.

     February has Sakura in a short red dress sitting on a stool while Itachi slips a black strappy heel onto her foot. His lips are awfully close to her ankle.

     March has them under their tree in the training grounds sharpening kunai. Sakura's head is thrown back in laughter and there's a rare happy smile on Itachi's face.

     May has them behind the hospital, with Itachi's lips to her ear and his arms around her waist as Sakura grins.

     June is them sparring, Sakura doesn't know when Kakashi took the photo since they didn't have a photoshoot there, but it's one of their taijutsu only battles. Both have them have shed most of their top layers and are covered in sweat as dust rises like a cloud behind them as their hits connect.

     July is them sitting at the Uchiha Compound Lake with their feet dangling in the water. Sakura is leaning her head onto Itachi's shoulder.

     Itachi raises his head enough to press a kiss to the spot behind her ear before Sakura flips to the next page. The girl huffs a laugh and raises her hand to slide her fingertips down his cheek.

     August is Sakura helping Itachi with the complicated strap on an ANBU uniform on his back in the locker room, and September is them eating sliced apples on top of the Hokage monument.

     October is also a photo that wasn't in the shoot, and she reminds herself to punch the daylights out of Kakashi. It's them in their bed in Sakura's apartment with the morning light spilling onto the bed. Sakura's back is to the camera and she's naked if the bare expanse of her back is any indication. Itachi is kneeling in front of her with his face in the crook of her neck and it's all too easy to remember that morning because Itachi was not innocently nuzzling. She turns and smacks Itachi on the thigh as her face goes pink.

     "You totally knew Kakashi was photographing us!" It's all too obvious by the angle of the photo. There was no way Itachi couldn't have seen.

     Itachi struggles to mask the hiss of pain info a huff of laughter. But truly laughs when he catches her eyes and she says.

     “You are no better than Shisui!” She denies feeling her heart flutter at the genuine sound as Itachi ducks his head in mock shame.

     "In my defense, it was a wonderful moment that I didn't mind being captured. You were delightful that morning."

     "Itachi!" Sakura squeals, going red.

* * *

    When she sees her friends and coworkers sporting a calendar she burns it on sight.

* * *

     At Kakashi’s birthday celebration, when it gets turn towards presents, the last one Kakashi opens is the one he bought for himself.

     It's a giant, heavy box covered in dog decorated wrapping paper. The way he has to drag it on the ground from his own closet is indication how heavy it is.

     "Are those the...?"

     "Yes!" There's childlike glee in that response. There shouldn't be a childlike glee response to a giant box filled with porn with new more realistic and erotic cover art.

     Team 7 watches as Kakashi forgets about them and tears open the box, giggling and blushing as he looks through the contents.

     They leave quickly after that. 

     But before Sakura leaves...

     "You're welcome!"

**Author's Note:**

> whatDAYA THINK K K


End file.
